What is my goal as a parent? To care for my children, of course. I’ll give them everything they need, and some things that they want. But my ultimate goal is to raise them to independent, successful, self-sufficient adulthood. In my mind, that doesn’t mean giving in to their every whim and desire. It means teaching them various life skills that will ensure that they’re not depending upon me in any way at all when they’re in their thirties. I won’t have any of that failure-to-launch crap.
I love the show Clean House on the Style network. A team of experts help families get rid of all the clutter they’ve accumulated, sell it in a yard sale, and use the yard sale proceeds to clean up and remodel. It’s awesome – I’m addicted to this show. One episode focused on a single mom and her 21-year-old college student son, who was taking complete advantage of her. He did nothing to help around the house, and he even broke his bed because he was having sex – in his mother’s house!! That kid would have been on his own so fast if I were his mom. However, his mom didn’t feel that way.
I think many single moms can fall into the trap of giving their kids everything they want, and doing everything for them. It’s understandable that they want to make up for the loss of an intact family, right? So they attempt to compensate by giving the kids things, and doing things for them. Maybe the kids even get away with a few things that they shouldn’t.
I believe the most valuable gift we can give our children is teaching them independence and responsibility. They need to learn how to handle money, do their own laundry, cook a meal, clean a dish, run a vacuum, etc., etc., etc. We’re not doing them a favor by coddling them.
Ultimately, we need to teach our kids how to have successful relationships. It’s also my goal as a parent for my kids to have one, life-long marriage. They don’t need to repeat my mistakes.
